Lesbian cheerleaders, Tupac in the congress, geezer with a gun, and IRS goes after churches…
It’s one of those days, today, where I think we could all use a good. stiff. drink.
Today’s news is more than interesting. In fact, I wish I had a bottle of scotch sitting beside me as I read it - and it’s only 4:45pm. So, grab your drinks, and read on.
First up, two cheerleaders, that were caught lezzing it out in a Hillsborough County (that’s North Carolina) night club’s restroom, were fired yesterday. It seems there was a clause in their contract that “bans conduct embarrasing to the team or organization.” Go figure. What I was to know is, why is this considered a big deal in this “Girls Gone Wild” society? Perhaps it’s time to revisit our “whoa, bit tits and loose lips” mentality? …perhaps it’s just time to say screw it, and start opening “screwing” and “non-screwing” sections in our clubs.
What’s worse is that those wonderful, wholesome women from the above story were offered a photo spread in Penthouse magazine. Oh yeah, think I’m kidding? Nope. Penthouse wants to defame and expose our wholesome duo. For shame, Penthouse. Just because a couple of lovebirds want to do the coochie cha-cha in the restroom, doesn’t mean they want to show everyone their bits.
The best part of the ‘Lesbians in the Outhouse” story? This quote from the MSNBC article:
Oh, hmm, let me see. Some random nurse (hey, if you have two lesbian cheerleaders in a bathroom, why not make it someone’s ultimate fantasy by throwing a nurse into the mix) walks in and finds the two cheerleaders in an occupied stall. So, what, she was randomly peeking under the doors? I honestly don’t want to know.
Next on my hit list for the day? Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney of Georgia, has introduced a bill to provide for the “expeditious disclosure of records relevant to the life and death of Tupac Amaru Shakur.” Yes, you heard me right… some congressional representative has introduced a bill to find who killed Tupac. Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, don’t worry, though, the Tupac story gets even better. Evidentally Afenia Shakur, Tupac’s mother, is supporting this little hullabaloo. What’s so special about that? Well, Afenia Shakur (Tupac’s mother) is a former member of the Black Panther party, and sister to Assata Shakur, who is also a former member of the Black Panthers (and Black Liberation Army), and is currently on the Most Wanted list for New Jersey, with a reward for capture of one million dollars. It appears Ms. Assata Shakur decided she didn’t like a state trooper, back in 1973, so she shot and killed him. Turns out Ms. Shakur was tossed in jail, but escaped in 1979, and fled to (ready for this?) Cuba. Our beloved Mr. Castro has defended her as “an innocent victim of persecution.” Guess they don’t have state troopers over in Cuba. What’s even more amusing is that as of May 2nd, Ms. Shakur was placed on one of our Government’s terrorist watch lists. (Then again, that isn’t too big of news. I wager that eventually everyone over the age of five will be on a watch list, at some point.)
So are we done yet? Ohhhh, no. Not by a long shot. From cop killers and Castro-lovers, we move to IRS vs. House of God. In this corner, weighing in at several hundred thousand tons of governmental beuracracy, we have the Internal Revenue Service. In this (other) corner, weighing in at a scant thirteen ounces (hey, those angelic wings provide enough lift to keep the scales light), we have the All Saints Episcopal Church of Pasadena, California.
They come out swinging. The IRS lands a solid blow, accusing the church of intervening in a political campaign. The church returns fire with a vicious uppercut saying “we can’t help it if our sermons are discussed in the local newspaper.” The IRS circles in with another blow saying that it was not satisfied with the materials provided by the church in response to its investigation, and that it was intending to proceed with a formal examination. The church ducks and weaves and throws three quick short jabs. They’ve not only criticised Bush, they’ve also criticised Clinton. Their anti-war stance has nothing to do with Bush, even though their commentary is directed at Bush and his “doctrines.” and The fact that they’re “so careful … never to endorse a candidate.” The IRS pushes back and gets the church over the ropes. In a carefully orchestrated rope-a-dope, the church takes the punishment and suddenly throws a hard Right Cross, and comes out viciously swinging with ‘but we’re a church, goddamnit.’
It’s tit for tat (hey, wait, how’d we get back to the lesbian cheerleaders?), so far in this match-up. Looks like we’ll have to check in on round two here in another year or so, when the IRS finally gets around to conducting its formal investigation.
But wait, we’re not quite through, yet, ladies and gentlemen. First we have to visit gator-land, USA. Let’s take a trip down to Gainesville, Florida, where an 81-year-old man held officers, and his son, at gunpoint on Monday. It seems that the son wanted to put the poor man in “an institution.” (Really, they’re called institutions, now? I figured they would still be called ” rest homes.”) The father grabbed a gun and held his son hostage, briefly, until the son escaped and galled police. For a brief period of time, the man held the sheriff’s deputies at bay, until they finally entered the house and tasered the man. Eventually, the 81-year-old man will be moved from the hospital (where he is recovering from his taser-induced injuries), to Alachua County jail. While it wasn’t the institution the son wanted, I suppose he can rest easy, now.
BUT WAIT! I can’t leave this well enough alone. Do you know what the top three “Most Popular Stories” are, on the “geezer and gun,” page? In order:
- Police: Cheerleaders Arrested After Alleged Sex in Bathroom, Fight
- Adult Magazine Courts Panthers Cheerleaders
- Panthers Cheerleaders Kicked Off Team for Indiscretion.
Yeah. What’s the one that should be at the top, but isn’t? “Dozens of Students Sick with Flu-Like Symptoms.”
Proof positive that a bunch of birds will win over a bunch of birds, any old day of the week (and the first person to properly understand that sentence and reply in comments will win… something to be decided at a much later date, but will likely include your name listed in an entry).
After all of that, do you need a drink, yet?
I certainly do. Although I need to go vote, first. I’m not sure my precinct manager would like me showing up smelling like alcohol. Then again, I’m not sure if they would be all that surprised.
technorati tags: news, cheerleader lesbians, police news, sex
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